One day during my senior year of high school, my friends and I were in the library. Got it? Cool. This is how some of my favourite memories of senior year tend to start out. They weren’t always in the library, but this one happened there. And although it was pretty relaxed and normal most of the times, one day stands out for one particular reason.

I may or may not have startled a kid into thinking he was something he was not. What’d I do? What didn’t I do? That’s the better question.

Actually, pretend I didn’t write that. It makes me sound real hellraisey. That’s not even a word. Anyway, let’s roll!

~

My friends and I were hanging out and the library was as active as it usually was. Kids would hang out at the tables and talk amongst themselves while the librarians, surprisingly, never lived up to that whole stereotype of always telling kids to shush and be quiet. TV shows man, they’re not always right and when they are, they’re right up someone’s butt. What does that even mean? Pffft, hell if I know.

So anyway, the library had one of those alarms at the front entry for whenever someone would walk out without getting a book scanned. Whenever that would happen, the librarian would always have to let a student know they need to get a book checked out. I don’t know the exact statistic of how often it went off, but every now and then it would sound off. I assume that most of the times, it was due to a kid just forgetting that they had to get a book checked. Because really… who would steal a book? It’s kind of a weird thing to get in trouble for if someone’s wanting to cause a little ruckus.

Nah, I wouldn’t call it a ruckus. I’m not sure I’d even call it hooliganism. It’s just ridiculous. I mean, how desperate for attention would one have to be in order to resort to book theft?

Kid 1: Alright lets check off this list… steal someone’s lunch? Done. Tip over the vending machine? Done. Scare the freshmen? Work in progress, but since we gave Shirley the heebie jeebies by jumping out of that garbage can while he threw something away, we can kind of consider that mostly done.

Kid 2: I don’t know man, it feels like we should add something else to the list.

Kid 1: Like what?

Kid 2: Well, we haven’t really done anything big on a more public scale, no one really knows who we are.

Kid 1: Shit, you’re right. Well, what could we do that won’t get us expelled?

Kid 2: …dress up as the school mascot and run through the campus while shouting swear words?

Kid 1: Come on man, that’s more silly than “hell-raisey.”

Kid 2: That’s not even a word.

Kid 1: YOU’RE not even a word!

Kid 2: What? Shut up. But no really, it could be funny. And plus, one of us could dress up like Van Pelt from Jumanji and chase the mascot for more comedic value.

Kid 1: Dress like who? What kind of idea is that? That’s just stupid. Come on, we need to do something that will at least feel like a crime without being too f***ed up.

Kid 2: …well, we COULD steal something. But it’d have to be something that our parents could shrug off if it gets us into mild trouble. Nothing too major.

Kid 1: Like…?

Kid 2: I don’t know. How about a library book?

Kid 1: Whoa! Hold your horses there, Carmen Sandiego. That’s dangerous thinkin’! Just think of the bibliophiles who’d be pissed from somebody stealing a work-of-fiction or helpful resourceful book that another kid would benefit from. How could you even entertain the idea of taking a book. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore after all those sleepovers we had in Cucamonga! What criminals would we be if we were to go full-on with this idea of such unspeakable hooliganism. Who are you, Danny Ocean? Think of the repercussions it’d have on society. Think of the children!

Kid 2: …I don’t know if I’m detecting you being serious or sarcas-

Kid 1: Of course that was sarcasm you idiot!

Kid 2: (Looks away and rolls his eyes.)

Kid 1: …then again, that is kinda’ small-scale and wouldn’t get us into too much trouble.

Kid 2: Right?

Kid 1: Alright screw it, let’s go for it. I have a hankering for some J.D Salinger.

Kid 2: Jane Austen for me!

Back to that particular day though, I remember being in a wackier mood than usual. So when the alarm went off, I turned my attention to what was happening at the front doors and did something I usually never do.

I shouted the following…

“THIEF!!!”

And that got the other kids sitting around us, plus my friends, all laughing and even a bit surprised. I was never much of a shouter nor one to incite anything by yelling, so that alone threw them off; but the fact I yelled, “Thief!” at a most-likely innocent student only added to the sudden shock. After I yelled it, they looked at me and were like, “Dude what the? You never shout!”

As for the kid who didn’t get the book checked out? Well, I think I might have scared him or her by shouting thief. Or they probably had a laugh, but I like to pretend that they were maybe a bit frazzled (did I really just write “frazzled?”) from the fact that some random kid with normally-restrained goofball tendencies suddenly shouted, “THIEF!” and probably gave them a heart attack.

After a little time passed though, the alarm went off again and I once again shouted thief. Only this time, I also added, “Get that guy! Somebody stop him!” And that changed it up enough so that my friends and the other kids laughed once again.

I didn’t want to overdo the whole thing though, because, ya know… it would’ve stopped being funny at a point and then I woulda’ gotten thrown out and been given a stern warning from the librarians. Speaking of them, I didn’t even catch how they reacted. I like to think that maybe they got a chuckle, but maybe they were hard of hearing and only heard the sound of the alarm going off.

Come to think of it, that’d explain why they never lived up to the stereotype of always shushing kids for talking in a library. Plus, it’d make sense (to me at least) because I’m suddenly reminded of a similar time when gym teachers didn’t hear kids roughhousing loudly. But that’s a story for another time.

Anyway, that’s it for now. Tune in next time on Personal Misadventures when I’ll once again go into a random event. So until then, be sure to visit your public library often and always remember that reading is where it’s at!

Thank you Cap’n O.G Readmore!