Expression

I think about what I’ve been doing on here a lot. I also think about why I started blogging, why I’ve been itching to jump into videos & podcasting, and lastly, I think about why I think about all this even during little breaks in which I’d normally just zone out and watch TGIF sitcom reruns. It’s like I can’t help but keep my voice going in some form and I always want to jot it down.

All that isn’t just because of content-creation goals. I do hope to go further with it, and I intend to achieve those goals, but there’s more to this. It’s not just because of the content thing. It’s about something more.

There’s something broad underneath it all. Something that caught my attention at an early age that I’ve been chasing, exploring, and taking apart to this very day. Although I tend to keep myself busy learning a lot, I always come back to that thing. It not only makes me want to create, it makes me want to be out there connecting with people.

This is about expression.

Where It All Started

I was an avid talker each morning whenever I’d wake up, even as a baby. When I learned that, something started to make sense to me. I have always had a very active inner monologue, and I do enjoy writing or doing voice recordings upon waking up because of this. Plus, I also have a habit of vocalizing that inner monologue when no one’s around. Even when someone is around, though, I’ve found it fun to initiate a conversation by starting out with little self-directed thoughts/comments before leading into a, “What do you think?” sort-of ice breaker.

I never knew what it was at first, but something about always having running thoughts in my head has always appealed to me. How did it all take shape? Two words: pop culture.

I’ve always loved cartoons, and a good handful of them often had leading characters who would talk to themselves either for levity & self-amusement, fourth-wall breaking purposes, or a combination of the two. I’ve also watched many movies, and a lot of them would have comic-relief characters running wild with their playful commentary and jokes. A similar thing came up whenever I would notice certain things that comedians would do. I didn’t know what to fully make of it at the time, but when I look at it now, it was planting the seeds for what would later develop as my interest in comedy writing.

But there are other things that shaped this. For instance, a particular Animaniacs episode titled “Chairman of the Bored” gave me a lot of ideas. The episode features a one-off character named Pip (voiced by Ben Stein) who goes into a seemingly tangent-filled story that, when you look at the transcript, actually manages to be somewhat coherent. I thought it was really funny as a kid and still love it. The idea that someone could keep talking stood out to me at the time. I didn’t realize how much it would inspire my own writing until one day when I felt like goofing around and writing in that same style. Eventually, I’d experiment with it and that’s how I came to develop Mingled-up Musings.

Another thing that influenced this was movie narration (in particular, characters narrating their childhood). The Sandlot and The Wonder Years planted this concept into my head. I remember having dreams where I’d be watching a movie of my life and there was voice-over narrating it. This planted the idea of narrating my thoughts. Not long after this, I would attempt little personal writings and think of how I would narrate my own life and random events.

It’s More Than That

It’s not just about people and characters talking. It’s something about how they express certain thoughts and/or intriguing monologues. There’s still a lot about it that I’m taking apart, but it gives me the impression that my own writing (and even my personality) are always in a state of evolving. What you say and how you say it can shape ideas, and those ideas lead to ideas, which can lead to something else.

Everything I’ve learned by taking apart my own writings (and others’ writings), thought processes, and all the earlier-mentioned pop culture sources have inspired everything behind how I express myself. In turn, this has led me to other concepts behind it. There are comedy principles, but there also general writing techniques, improv, stream-of-consciousness ideas, and especially elements of smalltalk & conversation. This is also why I ensure that my freeform writings feel conversational.

It’s definitely a weird combination, but because it’s all so closely tied to how I express myself, I started writing about it in the form of my own personal notes & findings. And there’s always something new I’m incorporating into the notes. It feels like I’ll never stop picking up on things that intrigue me in terms of peoples’ communication styles and make me think, “Hey, I could add that.”

Originally, I started these notes as a way to remind me of what I’m capable of and ideas on avoiding creative blocks. Now, though, it has turned into stacked & stapled papers of relevant concepts and exercises to get my brain flowing.

What It’s All About and Why

What always confused me was the question of, “Why?” Why has the idea of expressing myself with a wide assortment of techniques always intrigued me? Why do I like it? Why do I always find myself absorbing something and then putting it to use? Why do I want to continue doing it?

The answer is simple. It’s because everything behind this makes me feel alive.

I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist.

But really, that’s it. It makes me feel like I’m thriving in some sense. It’s not just about writing and talking (though they are means of channeling it). It’s about me discovering myself, being me to my fullest, and always growing. I learn about it from my own written self-introspection, and I still pick up things from people who catch my attention with how they talk (be they fictional or real). This is why I express myself, and it’s also why I love being around people. Seeing others do the same makes me feel like I’m part of something.

Without it, I feel stagnant. I’ve had periods in which I struggled to write. Periods in which I hadn’t talked to people for a while. Times when I didn’t do anything to get my brain going. It felt horrible, and I hated feeling disconnected. I hated that I became lifeless and it felt as if I lost who I was. I wasn’t happy and it made me feel like there was no energy nor movement.

Expressing myself through writings, voice recordings, and even old videos I made in high school gave me something that breathed new life into my self-image. It made me look at myself differently. It made me feel like I could shape myself into the person I knew deep down that I wanted to be. Thinking in-depth about everything I wanted, and everything I had done before reminded me that it’s okay to question things. It’s okay and even recommended to ask, “Why?” And that’s in the notes too.

Every creative thing I ever dabbled in, all the fun conversations I ever had, and all the people & pop culture creations that planted those seeds are what I started to reflect on. All of it affected how I learned to express myself. I’m still figuring out why certain things stand out to me, but as a whole, I know why I like to do this. But it makes me feel like there’s still something I’m looking for.

In the end, it’s about the urge to share something. The fun in theorizing how to put it all into words, and the feeling I get from posting it that makes me satisfied and leaves me wanting to do it all again. It’s like a movement that I want to continue no matter what. The fact that I’ve always wanted to keep this whole thing going has made me realize how much it means to me. I didn’t know fully at first during a long break from a while ago, and it felt like I lost touch with the real underlying motivation. But that break led to me planting new seeds that would make me want to take it all apart.

What’s Next?

Obviously, I plan to keep on doing this and take it into other mediums. But lately, the question on my mind is, “How could I share this with others?” How would I break it down in a way that makes sense so that it’s not just random notes?

Honestly, it feels like there’s still a lot of work to be done. Plus, there’s the whole thing of who I am as a blogger/content creator and asking myself, “Would anyone be interested in my perspective?” I like to think people would be interested. But as of this moment, I’m still very much in a random niche.

It may be a while before I flesh it all out. But for now, this is about sharing my overall thoughts on and my love for expression.

Until next time, never stop using your voice. Keep on writing. Keep on talking. Keep on creating. And don’t lose touch with what motivates you. Don’t forget to question it, and remember to take it all apart. Learn from that, remind yourself why you’re passionate, and don’t stop.

See you next week!