So… everyone’s talking about the Covid-19 pandemic that’s going on right now; and though I never usually want to write blog posts on trending world news, I feel like I should at least talk about how it has, for the moment and last couple months, been affecting things for me on a personal as well as creative level.

To put it simply, it’s slowing me down in terms of pursuing goals. I’m sure that when things calm down a bit, I’ll be able to do a good handful of those things (ambitious video & film ideas, in particular) , but I mostly feel some of the effects that its taking on my own personal life.

In a nutshell… I hate feeling isolated and haven’t had friends for quite a while. And with physical distancing being enforced & encouraged, it feels like making friends and being able to connect with someone is taking a little longer and/or might feel slightly awkward. Then there’s the whole thing of cool & fun places/non-essential businesses closing down, so it feels like going out and hanging with friends is not possible for pretty much anyone right now.

For me, though, it’s more the first thing that has been hurting lately. I can be patient in terms of waiting for places to reopen (though a dental cleaning would be nice right now), but not having friends to talk to outside of work is what hurts the most (for me, at least).

When the pandemic paranoia started to kick off, it felt like my brain was always ready to explode. I started to feel distant from others and I started to lose some hope as well as my own self-worth. I would think about other people and how they’re getting through this, how they have friends to talk to online and/or through texting; and then I come home from work and just feel empty, with no one to talk to.

It’s not just me either. Lots of people have been voicing their own frustrations over this. I know a lot of people have been saying things like, “This sucks, there’s nothing to do but stay home and I wish I could hang out,” and yeah that definitely sucks. I’d hate that too. But I look at their situation and am like, “Be thankful that you have friends.” It has been a long time since I’ve had a friend, and a few weeks ago I couldn’t sleep at all because of on-going thoughts from this whole thing.

I know I’m not alone on this. This is a bad time for anyone to feel cut off from others and nobody should feel this way. No one should feel hopeless and alone.

I’m sure someone reading this will suggest making friends online, but I have to admit I’ve always felt that disconnect with the whole online-friends thing. I prefer face-to-face interactions when it comes to being able to really get that vibe and connect with someone.

Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of cool people on here and I recognize that others have made close friends online. I know people really get into it and that some might even prefer it. And to be honest, I definitely see and get the appeal. It is fun talking online. I love things like Twitch, and it’s awesome that people form online communities for that sort of stuff. But in the end, it’s too different for me in terms of not being able to build rapport the way that I prefer to do in-person.

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As for talking to others at work, I’m always happy and grateful that I can chat with someone whenever I have the opportunity. It gets a little busy, but making the most of brief interactions goes a long way  and it means a lot to me, especially since I am planting the seeds for friendships. It’s nice being able to get to know everyone. I’ve been working for only six months, and though I’m probably just a co-worker to some of the others, it’s the closest I have to being around friends.

And, because of the lock-down/quarantine, I am more open to online interactions when I do ask someone if they want to stay in touch and chat. I’d rather be able to do that than not have anyone to talk with at all.

Despite how I felt those couple weeks ago, I am more optimistic and self-assured. Maybe it’s the binaural beats talking, maybe enough time has passed since this whole thing started, maybe I finally feel close enough with a few co-workers to where I can think of them as friends and vice versa, maybe I finally realized I need a break outside of this and am giving myself time to watch tv shows again, or maybe I’ve just finally been able to let my thoughts sit and process everything (spoilers: it’s actually all these things combined); but I know that things are improving for me.

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So that’s the personal thing. As for those creative goals?

Well, I was thinking I finally had a chance to look into legal stuff and seek out assistance in terms of setting up an LLC so I could have fun with those things that I’ve been wanting to dive into (video production, podcasting, etc.); but then corona happens and I lost a lot of my motivation because of the above-mentioned personal stuff. I barely even thought about the blog and couldn’t take my mind off things.

And now that LLC goal seems like it might not happen for a little bit (or at the very least, it might be tricky to get started). I’ll look into current options, but I may have to put the LLC thing on a back burner for now.

There’s a ton of things I want to do that tie into this goal, so it probably is better that I wait regardless of any current options. This way, I can continue practicing and learning skills that will help me bring those ideas to life. I mean, I am a work in progress and still have a lot to learn.

Plus, I miss writing fun & quirky blog posts. I want to do those as inspiration strikes and then gradually take things further. There’s still potential, so anything I write can spark other ideas in the process. I do have smaller / more-feasible ideas that can work, so if I can find a way to create something that can bring levity and help others get through this, it could lead to something.

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In short, I’m taking bigger steps to improve my personal life. I’ll do what I can to bring creative projects to fruition, but the life stuff comes first. And as I feel happier with that, I’ll feel more charged to resume fun things.

Thank you all for reading. In the mean time, take the absolute best care of yourselves. Stay home, stay safe, stay in touch with your friends, and for the love of all monkey-loving crap STOP HOARDING TOILET PAPER.

See ya soon! o/