Yikey yike yike, it has been a while since I’ve used this format. I feel it has potential though, so I’m bringin’ it back. For those new here, this is a moment where I take a lookback at recent thoughts I had throughout the week no matter how random they are ( yeah, randomness is a bit of a thing here).
That said, let’s do this…
5-4
My brain felt a little fried after spending a good chunk of my day taking care of some file storage and clean-up. Not to the point where I felt achingly bad, just drained. But that made room for some extra brain cells that must’ve been restored as a result of said file clean-up. All in the name of productivity, ya know? I like to do things like that. It motivated me to make use of the new space that I have now. Digital cleanup really should be more routine with one’s usual physical spring time cleaning routine as opposed to being shoved aside in favor of said physical cleaning.
I realize that if I think about seasonal stuff for too long, I could trigger a seasonal existential crisis. And for this being Star Wars Day, that would be a little out of place. Better to have the high ground and stay on the light side as opposed to ending up a Sarlaac snack.
Part of me feels like I should’ve done something Star Wars-inspired on this day. I reposted a Tiktok video where I did Star Wars impressions on my Threads account, and I also pinned it on my Tiktok page to at least acknowledge the day. After the file cleanup drained me, I felt a need for a little breaky wakey. Otherwise, if I had some energy afterwards, I totally would’ve pulled a lightsaber idea outta’ my butthole and filmed something. Since nearly half the entire day was spent cleaning up files, though, I feel like some quiet time was deserved.
But you know me, quietness can’t go for too long. And if you don’t know me, hi! Name’s Kasey.
5/5
While driving to my night job, I realized two things that often create bad drivers (other than attending the Lindsay Lohan School of Driving*). One being that impatience does funny things to people, and the other being that it also does really scary things to them. Scary in that it makes said people become scary, even turning them into complete raging assholes. That’s why I have a lot of patience. The last thing I ever need is to become one of them only to have someone say it to my face all because I couldn’t wait one freakin’ minute for a microwave taco to heat up.
Yeah, that’ll never happen. Not only because I’m really patient, but also because I wouldn’t trust a microwave taco in the first place. And besides, it’s probably not vegan, so all the more reason to not give a flying rat’s ballsack over it, ya know?
I could go for a taco though.
5/6
Feeling productive for nearly the whole day, with the exception of a mid-day nap that went all UFC on me. I have no clue how long I was out, but I was out and it hit hard. I woke up feeling like a mixture of Buck Rogers and someone who just came out of a fallout shelter only to get knocked out by a black woman. If you’ve seen the movie Blast to the Past, you know exactly what scene I’m talking about. Good flick.
So anyway, once I woke up and started walking around, I was feeling productive once again. I was feeling less Encino Man and more Joseph Gordon Levitt in 500 Days of Summer when he rediscovered his passion for architecture. In fact, I was feeling more productive than before. And after I ate something, the feeling soared higher.
Guess I should stop making less than 8 hours of sleep a constant thing. Nuff said.
5/7
If my life were Pee Wee’s Playhouse, the word of the day on this day was definitely versatility (Scream real loud!). I feel like with everything that intrigues me as an enthusiast and as a creator, it’s really an everyday thing. But today, the word itself has been running through my head just like all the things that one girl said in the tatu song All The Things She Said. This is largely because I’ve ran it and other words through ChatGPT to better refine my LinkedIn profile and descriptions, so hopefully the whole idea of what I’m versatile in (as well as the trait itself) will catch the eyes of someone looking to hire a chap such as myself.
I swear I’m not trying to be British, I just like randomly using the word chap. Same way I integrate 60’s slang by using the word cat when referring to a person. Bringin’ it all back, ya know? Before you know it, the way I speak will confuse people so much that my whole word vocabulary alone will show people my versatility.
5/8
I was feeling it today. Like… big time. Writing again, balancing out different projects as needed so as to keep myself from going insane, and also working on scripts has been very rewarding. Not only that, but I’m even looking back at the things that planted these ideas in my spaghetti-slurping brain. Relevant visuals and feelings have been making me want to bring them to life for quite some time. Between that and those images & experiences, it feels like I’m getting back into what makes me Me.
Feels good man.
(Evening)
While having an ice cream cone, I started wondering how much Sensodyne would be needed to make someone’s teeth completely invulnerable to cold foods. I feel like there’d probably be some amount of cold food still hurting, but not as much if the poor fool hadn’t been using Sensodyne. It reminds me of the time I was once eating a candy bar at work, but not chewing it. I was just tearing off chunks with my fingers and then letting them rest in my mouth as the chocolate coating melted before I would eventually chew the insides.
Good lord… “chew the insides” makes me sound like an animal. Anyhow, a coworker near me asked me why I was eating the candy so awkwardly, and I told him why. Rather than going into the specifics, I simply said that biting on chocolate made my teeth hurt. His response?
“That’s the girliest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”
If I told him I also do a skincare routine while listening to Beyonce, he most likely would’ve had a field day. But yeah, I suppose he never heard of teeth sensitivity before. At this rate, he probably continued to eat junk food and now, in a twist of irony, has likely become a consistent user of Sensodyne. Why? Because karma does that to dinguses who call people with sensitive teeth girls.
But for what it’s worth, I’d be an awesome girl. Take a look at this Tiktok and try to convince me otherwise.
5/9
All those familiar feelings on this day made me have this weird moment in the evening. I sort of took a momentary step back and really saw it. Another one of those sort of images that came to my mind, like I was seeing myself reach a destination and simply being there, doing my thing. I felt it, and as I think about it now, I’m getting goosebumps. It’s weird how things are just starting to make sense when I give them enough thought.
I know that when I really put myself into my goals and make them happen, things do change. This sort of thing is not all that different now as it was then, but this time I have better resources. And not only that, but I have a better mindset in understanding my active thoughts and focusing on what’s needed.
Now all that remains is getting started with an idea. Not “the right idea,” just an idea. It doesn’t have to be big, and it shouldn’t be. Just a quick simple thing. It makes me think of the first Tiktok I did. I included it in this blog entry if you’re curious. So what I’m feeling is that same spontaneity and sense of playfulness. It’s time to “Stab the macaroni” again.
It feels nice having a better sense of self. It’s definitely helping me set aside the things that used to hurt so I can easily slip right into That Desired Self at the snap of a finger.
It’s kinda trippy when I think about it.
5/10
Oof, those mid-day naps are the bane of my existence. Yeah yeah, “Stop taking them then.” I’m doing my kanye best, just with different results on some days. They’re nice when they’re nice, but at the same time, naps do take up time that could’ve been spent working on stuff.
Sometimes when I’m awake, though, that time is spent either checking my e-mail for possible responses to job applications. That or I’m getting the urge to take my mind of that distraction by giving myself another distraction. I hear it’s common, and this isn’t always the case. Especially since I do like to spend time learning software or writing. But like with everything, even that reaches a point where I need to take a break.
Although I’d LOVE a full day where I do nothing but content writing and script writing. Same with doing graphics for projects, or anything for those projects. Plus, as much as I like writing and working on projects, I also want to do what I’ve always seen myself doing. Be out there while doing my thing, and writing about it in a trusty notebook. I have a good idea of what I write about in terms of that thing, but at the same time, the amount of what it could be does feel overwhelming in a way. That’s when I feel like I need to just distill it down to something simple.
But maybe the answer isn’t something simple. Maybe it’s supposed to have more to it. There’s no way to cover everything I’ve been feeling. And that’s not all of it, there’s also how it shapes my perspective on life. It can’t be simplified, because life can’t be simplified.
Such a no-brainer.
5/11
No naps so far. Heh, I say that as if it’s bound to happen. Nope, not today. While there were some distractions in terms of Youtube viewing, I’ve spent a good half of the day looking over some notes and refining my writings (this included). I won’t get too meta though, as I’m feeling the need to grab some dinner shortly. It’s been a cereal and sandwich kinda’ day, as most Saturdays are.
Since I mentioned the Youtube distraction, I will say I have a good feel for when I know enough is enough, and what I do watch does often play into something I’m doing. Since I’m working on notes and material for the Expression course I mentioned in this recent blog entry, I’m having fun looking at some videos for ideas and research of sorts.
My on-going evolution feels nice, and I intend to keep doing it. With all the things I’ve been going through, I’m not holding back. It really just comes down to doing something and taking action. I’m making it known, making it heard, and making it felt. And I gotta start somewhere.
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That’ll wrap it up for this week, be sure to come back next time when I may or may not think about how to get myself out of quicksand if I ever find myself in a 50’s or 90’s adventure film. See ya then!
*Apologies to Lindsay Lohan, I’m sure her curriculum has improved and I acknowledge she seems to be doing pretty dandy now. You go girl.
Kasey Lewis - Actor, Writer, Creator 