I think about my own growth a lot. It’s one of those things that makes perfect sense to me given the time. It’s taken a while to figure things out on a personal level, and it’s also taken a while to get things going on a professional level. The fact I have a job now gives me a good sense of stability as well as faith in my skills. And yet, despite having made it to this point, I know there’s more to do.

There are still the goals for this blog/site. Any and all creative areas are still there, but now that I’m rekindling other interests and diving into enough fun stuff on the side, I’m having fun learning more about the things that inspired me in the first place. It’s even tempting to revisit some things I’ve written about and do “Revisited” entries in which I do follow-up/recent thoughts on selected topics. Give an updated perspective, ya know?

So that’s one thing, but then I think about non-creative but still important goals that are more personal. A lot of them involve past experiences with friends, and having an outgoing social life. I enjoy that side a lot and it’s on my mind a lot. Unfortunately, it’s been a while since I’ve fully tapped into it (I blame not having my own car, heh). There are awesome people I’ve met at my job, and though they are often busy and have their own lives, I’m hoping that a few friendships will blossom.

Still, I don’t want to limit myself to only having work-place connections. All the more reason to look for fun spots where I can hang out and hit it off with others. From there, I go back to my rekindled interests (especially gaming at the moment) and think about how to share that with others.

Basically, there’s a lot I’m wanting to juggle. And on top of that, I do still want to resume learning and practicing other creative things that will go toward bigger projects. I’ve mentioned in other entries that I like to learn about music production and filmmaking, so that has been and always will be a big reason for wanting to get my life back on track. It’s not just about getting finances taken care of and sparking up friendships. It’s about wanting to take everything to the next level and put my personal growth into the things I want to create. Everything I’ve experienced will influence the stories I want to tell.

How does someone exactly do that though, when they’re still piecing aspects of their personal self-journey together? I still have a lot to learn not just about creative techniques, but also myself. I know what I’ve seen and felt from past experiences, and I know that fuels my every move, but how do I turn that into material and make stories feel like me?

It feels like that itself is an ongoing journey for many people who create art. Not only do you continue learning, you continue thriving and discovering more about yourself. Lots of times, I wish there was more time in a day so I could really go all-out with that.

What’s funny is that I had the idea to do this Personal Musings series so I could dive into these kinds of thoughts. Yet here I am still trying to make sense of said thoughts. I’m not sure I’m ready to fully articulate them, whether or not I have enough material to pull from in doing so, or if I even can do it. Would it be tricky to share everything in just text? Part of me says yes. I feel like some things would be better conveyed through art/design stuff, and then that has me exploring a whole different area because I want to do a good job at it.

I’ve had nights where I try to dive into personal writings (writings which I’ve done in a little notebook on nights where I’m feeling “off”), and I want to take it all apart. And though there’s been a little progress, I eventually reach a point where I feel like I need to rest and let my brain recollect things for the next night.

You know that feeling where you’re learning something and, though you want to keep on, you know that you need a break or sleep so you can process what you’ve learned and then move upwards in your next session? That’s how I feel whenever I dive into my introspective thoughts and journals. I can’t help but hate having to take a break because I always want to keep diving into that more and make extra progress. I get it though. Rest helps you retain information so you can move upwards next time you dive back in.

Rest sucks though. I say that because these are the times when I wish that there was no limit. I always want more so I can get closer to whatever it is I’m chasing. Heck, it’s often tempting to cut myself away from any/every screen and fully collect myself through meditation and journal-based writing.

Because it’s been a while since I last wrote here, though, it’s only right that I brain-dump all I can and share all this. My head is always full of non-stop trains of thought, and the recent weeks are no exception. Since I started working again, I’m excited & optimistic for near-future goals, and yet also slightly scattered because there’s so much I want to do.

There is no backup plan for all this. I am going to figure out everything and get my life on track no matter what.

So until next time, never give up. I’ll see you next week!