I didn’t plan it like this, nor did I really see it happening like this. There was always the idea of waiting until I legally change my name before showing my face, basically treat the whole thing as a phase of finally reinventing myself into the way I’ve always wanted to be. And then I figured that’d be the perfect way to swoop in and kick off the whole film & video production thing, but all that hasn’t been on my mind as much in the recent months. A reason for this is that I have been sorting through many introspective thoughts, trying to take it all apart and learning how I can get rid of old unwanted negative beliefs that have held me back for a long time. I thought that after working for a while, I’d be free from those thoughts and would feel motivated to get back into this.

To an extent, that is kind of true. I’m still trying to purge some of those thoughts, but I was able to make a new & really awesome friend. I talked to her about horror movies a lot during breaks and this helped me a lot in terms of being able to hold myself together without feeling lonely. I was even able to make another friend who’s also into horror. I’m really happy to know the two of them and they are actually the reason I wanted to write Halloween entries again. I didn’t write as much entries as before, but it was still fun.

I sometimes think that a lot of these things (even some of the hard times) happen for a reason. I’m always thinking about my personal growth. Lately, I’ve been digging even deeper into what I want in life and why. Right now, it’s not the fun creatively-rewarding things I want to do here (though that is always a goal, of course). Right now, I’ve been thinking about how I hope others will remember me, or whether they’ll remember me at all.

I’ve mentioned before how it’s been a long time since I had friends. And even though there are co-workers who I do think of as friends, sometimes I still feel like a bit of an outsider. Granted, it’s only been a year since I started my job and I am still getting to know them; but with everything going on right now, work is the only place where it feels like we can hang out. Plus, it’s hard to try and catch up with everyone.

It’s always nice when I do have a chance to talk to some of them during breaks and lunches. That’s always a highlight of any day when it happens, and I especially love it when I can end a day on a high note like that. But then there are times when I can’t help but feel distant after clocking out without being able to at least say hi & good night to someone. That always gives me a reason to chat with them on my days-off and catch up. I’m getting more comfortable asking others if they want to stay in touch, so it gives me a good peace of mind whenever someone says yes.

Of course… there is the whole thing of me not showing my face online, and a couple of those friends do talk to me on social media. That said, I hope that doing this face reveal will give them better peace of mind knowing that this is me and not just some faceless blogger. I’ll still keep some things private for obvious online-safety reasons, but now’s the right time to finally do this.

The whole disembodied voice / faceless blogger thing has been fun, but after really thinking things through… well there’s no other way to say it. Here’s me. img_1352

Until next time, take care and stay in touch! o/